On the east coast of Africa, there is a Swahili saying: “Asiyekosea ni malaika.” The rough translation of this adage is “Whoever doesn’t make a mistake is an angel.” In other words, people are flawed. They make mistakes. That means you have two ways of looking at someone who presents like they’re perfect: Either they’re not human or you’re not seeing everything.
Protecting Ourselves
As much as everyone knows this in the back of their heads, it’s something we tend to forget when we’re dating. This is expected during the first few dates. Like a social media feed, we present and receive a curated view of a person—the figurative (and literal) warts are neatly tucked away. Slowly over time those warts come into view as we become more comfortable with one another, to allow ourselves to be vulnerable instead of protective. In fact, the word “protect” comes from the Latin pro- (‘in front’) and tegere (‘to cover’). It literally means to put up a front.
Real estate is the same way. Most of the pictures of properties or houses that you see on real estate websites are curated to attract buyers. When you come to an open house, it’s not like you’re walking into the house as it has been lived in. Instead, everything is tucked away. The space is pristine. Even the chaos in the garage has been subdued.
An Invitation to Connect
For Tom, there is nothing real about these kinds of presentations. Home is not just where they sleep; it is not just a place where they have free rein to be themselves. When a place becomes home, it becomes an extension of that person, and it becomes a place where they feel the most vulnerable. It is a big deal when you decide to change where that place is. To invite another person inside and to ask them for help in selling it is to ask them to share in that vulnerability. The same thing can be said when an agent is invited to share in the search for a new home.
“That invitation is one thing that I don’t take lightly,” Tom says. He recognizes that people don’t leave their home without good reason. It is a privilege when someone is willing to share their vulnerability and to make a real connection. These kinds of connections are what attracted him to the industry in the first place, and it’s the reason why he’s continued to work in Western North Carolina real estate for the last 17 years.